Wombania: Land of the Wombies



Wombies

Are You A Wombie?

If you've always suspected you're a Wombie, but were never quite sure, now's your chance to find out. Take the Wombie Quiz and find out once and for all just how much Wombie is in you. It's quick and easy. And no DNA test is required!

Answer the 12 questions below honestly and discover your innate Wombieness.

Wombie Test

    YES  NO  MAYBE
    Checkboxes
  1. Do you live for chocolate?
  2. Checkboxes
  3. Do you know what Wine Gums are?
  4. Checkboxes
  5. Do you often like to dig for no particular reason?
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  7. Are you not afraid of small, dark places?
  8. Checkboxes
  9. Do you believe biting someone is a good way to say hello?
  10. Checkboxes
  11. Are "tall" and "thin" adjectives no one has ever used to describe you?
  12. Checkboxes
  13. Do you sometimes run into walls?
  14. Checkboxes
  15. Have you ever experienced the desire to live underground?
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  17. Is SpamĀ® an essential part of your diet?
  18. Checkboxes
  19. Do you have trouble finding shoes that fit?
  20. Checkboxes
  21. Do you think chocolate-covered Wine Gums and Champagne Soda are as good as it gets?
  22. Checkboxes
  23. Do you like to squirrel things away for a rainy day?

SCORING

10 points for each YES answer
5 points for each MAYBE answer
0 points for each NO answer

BONUS: Score an extra 10 points if you think "squirrel" in the last question should be changed to "Wombie."




WOMBIENESS QUOTIENT RATING

To calculate your Wombieness Quotient Rating (WQR), multiply your age by 3. This is your Wombie Age Adjustment Equalizer (WAAE). Add up your total score and add that to your WAAE. Multiply the result by the Binky Factor (0.167). Subtract half your age. Double the answer, then divide by 1/3. This is your final rating.

  • 100 or more: You're definitely a Wombie. And extremely talented and good-looking, too.
  • 70-100: You're probably a Wombie, and most likely the envy of your friends and relatives.
  • 40-70: Even though you may not be a Wombie, you still have Wombie tendencies and are a nice person.
  • Less than 40: Best not tell anyone about this. Not even your mother.

A PDF version of the Wombie Test (9k) is available here.

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by Peter Marinacci


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