Wombania: Land of the Wombies



Wombie FAQ

Everything you ever wanted to know about Wombania, and a lot you didn't.

Winky Question 1

Where is Wombania located?

Wombania isn't actually a place.  It's more a metaphysical state of being.

Winky Question 2

I'm sure glad you cleared that up.

No problem.

Winky Question 3

What exactly is a Wombie?

Secretly developed by the late Dr. Franco in his remote and scary laboratory, Wombies are genetically-engineered super wombats who can do just about anything. Except windows.

Winky Question 4

Okay, then what's a wombat?

Wombat near his burrow
Common Wombat (courtesy of Womland, used with permission)

Wild wombats are large timid intelligent powerful lumbering stocky bear-like nocturnal grazing Australian marsupials (whew!) that live in an elaborate system of burrows. They're in desperate need of better living quarters. And an agent.

Improved Wombie Wombat
New and Improved not-so-common Wombie

Wombies, on the other hand, are cuter, cuddlier, and much more cultivated than their wild cousins. In fact, Wombies are so highly advanced that they're a separate subspecies (Vombatus Francus).




Winky Question 5

Where did the Wombies come from?

Long, long ago (almost four people-years), in a far-off land (Australia), the first generation of Wombies were unleashed upon the earth by the demented Dr. Franco.

Dr. Franco: "Actually, I'm just misunderstood."

Winky Question 6

Why did Dr. Franco create the Wombies?

Following a nasty childhood encounter with a cantankerous Chihuahua, Dr. Franco (thereafter called Stumpy), dedicated his life to creating the world's most sophisticated and even-tempered house pet.

Vicious Dog

After sixty years of failure (and the scars to prove it), Dr. Franco at last achieved his lifelong goal: he produced the very first genetically-engineered wombat. Officially known as Wombie #WX-267, he later came to be known as Binky, the smartest Wombie of all.

Winky Question 7

Just how smart is Binky?

Extensively tested and monitored as he matured, Binky was found to be far more gifted than Dr. Franco had dreamed possible. It was clearly evident that Binky could no longer be classified as a mere pet. Binky was, in fact, Dr. Franco's intellectual superior. And, at six months of age, Binky hadn't yet achieved even half his potential.

Winky Question 8

How did the Wombies get to America?

Following Dr. Franco's tragic death, the Wombies were scheduled to be put down. Realizing this, Binky masterminded a perilous escape from Dr. Franco's laboratory. The original colony of 27 Wombies made a long and frightful journey across Asia, Europe...

Escaping on the Wombie Trail
Escaping on the Wombie Trail

...and the Atlantic Ocean to locate their only known human relative, Chris Land. Chris took it all in stride.

Wombies' introduction
Wombies' introduction

After they moved in with Chris, his life has never been the same. And that's probably a good thing, considering how pathetic his life was previously.

Chris: "That was uncalled for."

But true. Anyway, after the Wombies took over both his home and his life, Chris learned to live with--and even like--the little fuzzballs. Though he would like them more if Binky would stop blowing up his basement.

Binky's Lab Explosion
Binky's Lab Explosion

Unbeknownst to Chris, however, it is from this unlikely setting that the Wombies are plotting their worldwide invasion.

Winky Question 9

Can we do anything to protect ourselves from this invasion?

No, we're helpless.

Winky Question 10

Is the planned invasion why Winky has that look in his eyes?

No, that's because Winky secretly loves Twink. But Twink loves Binky. And Binky loves only his rockets.

Winky's Special Look
Winky's Special Look
Winky Question 11

What's a Wombie's diet?

Being omnivorous, Wombies will eat almost anything, though they prefer Wine Gums, Spam, chocolate, and Champagne soda.

Winky Question 12

What're Wine Gums?

Wine Gums are the nectar of the gods; the most delectable candy treat you're ever likely to experience. At least according to the Wombies.

Winky Question 13

What's a Wombie's natural habitat?

Middle class suburbia. Preferably with a basement and air-conditioning. And cable.

Wombies Enjoying the Comforts of Home
Wombies Enjoying the Comforts of Home

International Wombie Fanatics Association

Wombie facts courtesy The International Wombie Fanatics Association. We assume no responsibility for the accuracy of said facts. Or said fanatics. Copyright Peter Marinacci

by Peter Marinacci


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